So I think I'm finally back. But I'm moving. Over to Wordpress. I would love to give a really good explanation but honestly, it's because they have an app for my iphone and Blogger doesn't. Sad but true. As for where I've been and why I'm back, well you'll just have to hop over to Wordpress and find out. I hope to see you there. I know I look forward to reading your blogs again.
Strangemamma
My new blog
The medical profession is funny. Even though we've only known about it since Sunday and even though it only happened on the 17th of last month (yes, actually I do know the exact day), if someone were to ask me how far along I was today, I'd be able to tell them, "5 weeks!"
I'll let that sink in for a minute.
I'm pregnant!!!
Okay, so quick preggers math for those of you who aren't as week-obsessed: Pregnancy is considered 40 weeks, not from the whole sperm boy meets egg girl part, but from the first date of your last cycle. Which is weird because it's like being pregnant for two weeks before there was even an egg girl to meet the sperm boy. Science is just fun like that.
But back to the whole miracle thing!
Jeff and I know that it's not really considered good form to tell the world so soon because "something may happen". And we know, we do. I have had too many friends who have lost pregnancies early on not to be painfully aware of that. But here's the thing. I'm pregnant! And that in itself is such an awesome miracle that we can't help but shout it from the rooftops. We did tell a few close friends and family right away (we called the parents at 4 in the morning but that's another story) and asked them to pray for us. We so appreciate you all for doing that and we covet your prayers still. But we realized that, A) we're just not that fearful, certainly much less than last time, and B) no matter what the outcome, we want everyone to know what an Awesome God we serve! I have PCOS. Jeff also had some issues. Those two things together makes Asher a total miracle even with the medical intervention. So to have us, here, now, pregnant, ON OUR OWN!! is absolutely a gift from God.
We're due June 10th, 2010. Asher will be a week (or so) past 26 months when he becomes the big brother we have long dreamed of him becoming. We are very excited, joyful, freaked, ecstatic, hopeful, blessed, amazed, and generally in awe. We can't quite believe it at times, but there it is. I wrote in my journal a few days after we got the news that I was pregnant with Asher, "No matter what, no one will ever be able to take this away from me. I am pregnant." And it definitely feels that way this time as well. I am just so unbelievably blessed. My God is a great big God and He holds us in His hands.
*Okay, we didn't actually call our parents at 4am their time, it was like 8pm and 9pm their time, so stop shaking your finger at me. The day I was going to take the pregnancy test, we were woken up just before 4am by the people across the street declaring their undying hatred of each other at the top of their lungs. I'm not kidding, the windows were closed and I could hear every word. Ugh. Anyway, I figured that that was my morning pee and I may as well get it over with (I'm notorious for being a day or two late, testing, and then immediately getting my period). Only it was positive. Jeff had come down, too and made a mention that our parents would likely be up, so we decided to go ahead and call. There. Happy now?
On friday we got the call, my husband's Oma (dutch for grandma) was quickly declining in health. She had stopped eating and drinking and it was expected to be only a matter of time. Family was encouraged to come right away if they could. We got Jeff a flight out Sunday afternoon and as much as we would have liked to have all gone together, it would have been very costly and Asher has been suffering from a bad cold and I imagine a nine hour flight would have been very hard on him (and everyone else).
As we were getting ready to leave for the airport, we got the next call. Oma had passed away early that morning. My heart aches for my dear husband and his parents who were still on the road, trying to get there to say one last goodbye. I took the call as he was getting Little Man dressed. That is news I never wanted to give. He was crushed, angry at himself for not taking an earlier flight. We had looked at a flight on Saturday, but the plan would have been to stay with my dad in Calgary that night anyway and ride to Stettler with his parents the next day. He still wouldn't have made it. But it's easier to do anything than feel the sharp pain of loss. As for me, I did everything I could to focus on taking care of him and Little Man so that I wouldn't have to look at my own pain at this loss.
Oma was quite the fiesty lady. Her favourite word was 'bullshit'. And it perfectly described how she approached life. Not much was worth fussing over, most of it was just bullshit. She loved to make sure you didn't take yourself too seriously with a gentle ribbing and a wink as she laughed at you. She was the first of Jeff's family that I met. Her apartment was warm and full of mementos of Holland (where she was born) and pictures of her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. She always offered you a drink and something sweet. And by drink, I mean drink, no matter what the time of day. She loved advocat or a rye and seven. Advocat, for those who may not know (I know I didn't), is a banana liqueur and wow is it strong. My first experience with it was a shot she insisted I take. I think the next time she was more gentle with me and just insisted on some chocolates with advocat in them ;).
*edit: my husband informed me that advocat is an egg liqueur. woops. well, it was yellow and the chocolates with advocat were shaped like bananas. maybe that time it really was banana liqueur. hmmm. all I know is that it was midday, very strong, and Oma was kind enough to simply chuckle at my watering eyes.
A couple months ago (was it that long? I could look it up, but...nah) I had the opportunity to guest post for cbethblog. I was truly honored as hers was one of the first blogs I started following almost a year ago when all this began (again, wow, has it been that long?). So, as I try to get back on the horse, I'm starting slow and using a guest post from the lovely C. Beth:
The Failure of Dr. Google
Recently Zoodle, my 17-month-old son, got a diaper rash. I think it started as a reaction to his diaper brand. It then turned into hives, and then settled into a slightly itchy, red rash that just wouldn't go away. Then he got red bumps on his tummy, face, and legs.
So I did what any mom would do--I used Google to find descriptions and photos of rashes. Okay, maybe that's not what any mom would do. A lot of moms would go to the doctor. But I really wanted to figure it out. We live in the U.S. and have a high deductible health insurance policy, and I just didn't love the idea of spending $80 to get a rash checked out.
My conclusion from looking at the rash photos was that the red bumps were due to a heat rash. I hoped Dr. Google's diagnosis had been correct, as I looked for treatment information. I read that one thing I
shouldn't do was put any oily lotions on him, since that can make heat rash worse. Instead, I should use baby powder and give him plenty of naked time.
I followed Dr. Google's instructions. The rash persisted.
Finally, I gave in and called my doctor's office. They got him in that day, and I found out that Zoodle did not have heat rash; he had eczema.
Here's the thing--eczema treatment is pretty much the opposite of heat rash treatment. No need for powder, since that can dry the skin more. I was told to use oily petroleum jelly to lubricate the skin. And I got a prescription some fantastic steroid cream to help clear it up too. Soon after implementing our doctor's recommendations, Zoodle's rash was well on its way to clearing up.
That's when I realized--Google can lead me to a lot of answers, but Dr. Google doesn't take the place of our family doctor. Nothing online can replace an experienced doctor looking at my child, hearing his history, and making a diagnosis. It was an important lesson to learn.
Now, I'll still use the Internet when I have medical questions. Sometimes I find great, easy answers to our problems just by doing a quick search. But next time I have an issue that stumps me, hopefully it won't take me quite as long to call the person who actually went to medical school--no offense to Dr. Google.
You know when you mean to call someone, but you put it off and put it off and it gets later and later and you think of all the reasons you can give as to why it took you so long to call but the longer you leave it the more pathetic those excuses seem and you don't really want to face it so you put it off some more...yeah, it's kinda like that.
I seem to only be able to blog when things are pretty much going okay. When I get overwhelmed by stuff or long buried crap comes up I seem to just kind of shut down and don't want to really talk to anyone. Apparently including all my bloggy friends. And there a few of you out there that I do consider friends, or at least friends in the making. I wish I could say life's just been busy but I it hasn't. I can't even say that I haven't had much to say lately but there's been a ton of crap running around inside my head, but none of it wants to come out. It just all sounds pathetic and self-serving to me.
Even this I didn't want to write, but either I am going to keep up with this blogging thing or I'm not and I have missed it. I do have a lot of non-crappy things that I could have blogged about but I seem to not be able to do fluff when life isn't feeling fluffy.
Most of you, I've kept up with, I just haven't had much to say in the way of comments either. I'll be back soon, I'm sure. Just a little note to say I'm not dead.
Okay, so I should really start blogging about upcoming things before they happen that way you know that when I disappear for a week at a time it's because my Dad has suddenly arrived in town and besides the whole stress of not really knowing what to expect on a visit because we very rarely spend time together, Asher is in our room and is very loud at night, and Dad is (unbeknownst to me) totally into the whole touristy thing and I've been run a bit ragged since Saturday and haven't even had the energy to keep my eyes open long enough to read blogs let alone write one of my own. It has been going surprisingly well, though, Asher absolutely adores his Grandpa (mind you, he never gets so much attention from his parents) but I am exhausted. Dad leaves tomorrow morning and then I'm coming home to nap. I'll catch up and post comments soon and be back with you all by the weekend.
In the meantime, Happy Humpday.
I have been mulling this around my brain pan for a couple weeks now and I finally sat down today and set it up (much to the consternation of a certain small child). I have started a new blog. It is called Strange Fit. I've been really wanting to get into shape. Not just talk about it, not just dream about it, not just sigh longingly at clothing stores that don't carry plus sizes, but actually do it. I've realized though that, left to myself, I run out of steam way too quickly. I recently got the EA Sports Active for the Wii and 3 workouts shy of completing my first 30 day challenge, I ran out of steam. I got all blah and didn't do my exercise one day. And the next. And the next. And the next. Insert depression here. I want to get out of this rut. Obviously the way I've been doing things results in, well, not doing things. So it's time for a change.
I have in my mind how cool this site could be, with recipes and tips for eating right and drinking more water and all that fun stuff. I also want to do reviews of different kinds of exercise and how easy/hard they are to incorporate into every day life. Right now, my main source of exercise (apart from previously mentioned small child) is my Sports Active on Wii. I know there are a few of you out there who have this program as well. Whether you're doing the 30 day challenge or not, I'd love to get together and share tips and frustrations. We could even share custom workouts. Eventually I hope to be able to do some fitness related give-aways.
So come on over. Check it out. Tell your friends. I'm totally open to suggestions and guest posters and maybe even team members.
Okay. Yes. I am now 34. I have never really been bothered by birthdays. Excited usually. It's always been a celebration and on occasion it has stuck out as a 'milestone' year.
Sweet 16.
18 made me legal in Alberta.
19 made me legal in neighboring provinces.
20 was just plain cool. 21 made me legal pretty much everywhere.
25 was another cool one, for a lot of reasons. It was the turn of the century. And I was in Africa. I woke up on the beach in Mozambique for that one.
26 was a little depressing, partly because it meant I was on my way to 30 and partly because I wasn't in Africa anymore and I missed it terribly.
29 was exciting because I was getting married that year.
30 didn't freak me out as much as I thought it would. It was kind of fun. I was starting to feel like an adult, we had just moved to Chicago, I got a ferret!
31, meh, I just didn't think much about it.
33 was my first birthday as a Mom!
And now here we are. 34. Feeling a little old...er. I'm not sure why this year is bothering me. Perhaps because the novelty of feeling like an adult is wearing off. No. That's not right. Honestly I still always feel like everyone's looking at me like I'm 16 when in a room full of women. I have no idea why that is. I have issues. I think The Rocket Scientist has worried that I'll be sad because we're not having a big party with loads of friends. We had that last year, and it was great. It's not really bothering me, though. I mostly look forward to doing birthday stuff with Jeff. Sorry everyone, it's not that I don't love you.
But this year...I'm feeling the year. I'm more aware of time. How quickly it's moving. I'm more aware of how not in shape I am. How it seems much harder to regain a shape that I don't mind looking at.
On the other hand, I may just be hormonal. I am after all, ovulating. Ha! Betcha didn't think I could milk that for more, didja!
But don't let my whinging bother you. I really am very blessed this year. As I am every year. I have a wonderful, loyal, attentive, passionate husband and an adorable, giggling, brilliant, cuddly, awesome son. Happy Birthday to me!
Okay, I am going to be totally upfront and say that I did not think of that terribly witty turn of phrase on my own. We are big Doctor Who fans in this house and made sure that every cable package we had back in the States included BBC America. I don't know if they said that before every program (that would have gotten old really fast), but they did say it before Doctor Who and/or Torchwood and it would always bring with it a little twinge of excitement because it meant we were getting our 'fix'.
I am now completely unashamedly stealing that phrase for my own blogging purposes. I think I'm pretty safe in this. But if I get several hundred more followers, I may have to change the name as a preemptive strike against litigation. (I have always wanted to idly fit that into conversation).
So without further ado, here is my first installment of:
Everyone asks, "How do you find driving on the 'wrong' side of the road?" Honestly, you get used to it. For one thing, you're expecting it. You know, coming here, that you're going to be driving on a different side, getting in the other side of the car, trying to remember which direction to look when you cross the street. You're prepared so it doesn't take too long to make the adjustment. It's the little things that no one ever tells you about, that you're totally unprepared for, that go a long way towards making you aware of the fact that common language or no, you are in a foreign country.
So here's on thing I noticed that is different on this side of the pond. Light switches go in the opposite direction. In North America, you click the light switch up to turn it on and down for off. Here it's down to turn it on and up to turn it off. I know, right? Who would think to warn you about stuff like that? I would. That's right, I got your back.
By the way, my inspiration for starting this is Brit Gal in the USA and her Brit Word of the Day.
So I was pretty sure that I had posted something recently about having tons of energy. I'm still pretty sure I did, I can almost see/hear/feel the sentence I typed but I can't find it. Honestly I didn't look really hard, I just sort of scanned the last few posts and went, 'Meh. Too many words.' and gave up. I'm not really sure if it was just the post about being so productive/busy because I was anxious about my appointment, but I could have sworn I told you about the whole Wii Active thing. Ringing any bells? Maybe? Well, whatever. Let me start again.
When I was in Canada, I picked up Sports Active for the Wii. I love it. Doing the 30 Day Challenge. Some days it's not bad, other days it totally kicks my butt, but every day I sweat buckets so that's gotta be good, right? Anyway, a strange side effect that we've noticed is that I have a boat load of energy lately. I know. Weird. A side effect of all this energy however, seems to be that every time I sit down to write a post, I think of something else that needs to be done/picked up/washed/dried/folded/put away/played with, etc. So I've had all these posts run through my head and then run right out again. Apparently nothing has affected my concentration. Poop.
Oh, well. But I ask for your patience while I figure out how to incoporate all this actual 'doing' and 'keeping up with chores' stuff into my day which was previously filled with 'reading blogs', 'trying to be witty in posts', and 'just one more episode of Thomas Lazytown Pooh Lie to Me'. I will figure out how to do it all. Why are you lauging? Stop that!
I have to say though, that my lack of presence the last few days is because, wait for it....
Asher is sleeping through the night!!!
Yes, it would be thrilling if that didn't come with....
Asher is getting up at 5:30!!!
Yup, every morning. Sometimes, like today, he mixes things up and gets up at 5:05. It does not matter what time he goes down, 6:30 or 8:30 or anywhere inbetween, he is up by 5:30. And thanks to our brilliant idea of graduating him to a big boy bed, he just walks into our room and announces that it is now morning and why haven't you fed me yet?
So we're trying something new. We, as gently as possible, say that Mommy and Daddy are sleeping and would you please go back to your room and play. I even taught him how to turn on his lamp so he could get out his toys and play. Seriously, we should put cameras up and sell it to the networks, the comedy that is us trying gently to explain to a 16 month old that Mommy and Daddy are sleeping and he should go entertain himself.
No. You cannot remind me of this when he is 16 and I can't drag him out of bed in the morning with a team of wild horses.
And really, 'team' of wild horses? Isn't that a bit of an oxymoron? Have I mentioned how much caffeine I've had already this morning? No? Well, that's cause I don't remember. It's been a lot. But now I've got to go get my work out in before Asher wakes up.
I leave you with a reminder of how cute he really is despite his attempts to drive me insane, and a lovely rose from our back garden for us to all stop and 'smell' and relax a little. It is summer after all.
Last week a friend of mine joined me in the blogosphere. Now she's been writing forever and has had a blog or two in her time, but this particular blog is new. Go check her out, she has a way of looking at the everyday in a new way. I'm also thrilled because today, she quoted from my Mom's book, 'Who's Flying this Plane'.
Hope you all have a good Sunday, and happy reading:
Out of the Extraordinary: Welcome to the family
I came across this blog today. I think through Brit Gal in the USA. She just left a simple comment and I checked out her blog. She had collections of various photos depicting different kinds of beauty. I liked the posts I saw, she seemed to be drawn to very similar things as me as far as seeing beauty went. So I decided to follow her and see what else she came up with. Just some nice pictures to brighten up my day. And then this post came up:
Slices of Beauty...: A Greek Retreat + A Thank You...
There is now a new standard for beauty in houses as far as I'm concerned. A lot of people commented on Greece and wow wouldn't I like to go there. I've been to Greece, it's fine, but this house is beyond. Just the sense of cool, refreshing, calm that emanates from each picture, made my heart ache just a little.
If my Rocket Scientist is ever asking around for something that I might like for my birthday or Christmas or our anniversary, if he built me this house, he would never have to get me anything. ever. again. for as long as I lived. Which would be a really long time in such a peaceful place, let me tell you.
Check me out! I'm a guest blogger!
A while back I wrote a blog for Beth and she's finally able to take that vacation so there I am on Musings of happy mommy, with my own musings. What fun!
I actually wrote the body of that post several weeks before she asked for submissions and had it just sitting in my written but not edited or posted box. So I edited it sent it to her. It's actually one of my favourite pieces. I think because I came about it so differently. I wasn't sitting down 'to write a post', I just had some thoughts in my head that I wanted to get out so I could possibly use them later. And of course it includes a picture of my Little Man. Always worth a check.
I hope you enjoy my post and be sure to stick around and check out C. Beth when she returns. She's one of the first bloggers that I started following way back when and she's one of the first I check on when I'm going about my daily read.
As for me, I'm off to chase my ever-increasingly energetic 16-month old. He's had a cold the past few days and is starting to feel better and I think is going a bit stir crazy from the lack of acitivity lately. Me too. Off to find a park.
Okay, I have never done this before. I have seen others do it though, so I'm pretty sure it will be okay.
I'm going to share a recipe.
It's nothing ground breaking. Just bread. Brown bread from back when they named it after the color as opposed to the whole wheat content. It might be more appropriate to call it a molasses bread. I got this recipe from my aunt. I think she may have gotten it from Grannie, her mom. It's handwritten so I don't even know if it was once in a book or not. I'm sure my mom will leave a comment correcting me on its origin, all I know is that it is truly yummy bread. A bit dense, cuts like a dream, toasts wonderfully to go with a nice hot cuppa.
In 1 cup of warm water dissolve 1 tsp honey and then add 2 tbsp yeast. Set aside 10 minutes.
Melt: together 1/2 cup of boiling water and 2 tbsp shortening and pour into your mixing bowl
Add: 1/4 cup honey and 1/4 cup molasses
Add: 1/2 cup milk, 1 beaten egg, 1 tsp salt, and yeast mixture. Stir well.
Add: Flour - approx. 6 cups to make a soft, light dough. Turn out and knead for 8 minutes.
Let Rise: in a greased bowl, covered, for 1 hour (150 degree F warmth)
Shape: into 2 loaves, place in a greased pans
Let Rise: 1 hour covered
Bake: at 400 degrees for 10 minutes, then at 375 degrees for 20 minutes.
(cover tops with foil if they get too dark)
Why yes, thank you. I am. Ovulating. On my own. Without drugs. We've thrown around the line, "the best treatment for PCOS is a succesful pregnancy", but now there's actual hormonal proof. Yippee!
That being said, we are still testing everyone a second time to confirm that everyone's works are working.
That was the good news. The bad news is that if things are not working in 6 months or so, IUI's are not covered by NHS. And they don't do Clomid. They do FSH injections. And IVF. Which I don't qualify for for another year and some. That sucks.
We could do the IUI on our own, but it would cost 1400 GBP. That also sucks.
So for now, we are celebrating the fact that it seems I have suddenly gained the ability to ovulate. Thank God!
And now for the sex! Sorry, was that TMI? We're all adults, right? We know how this works.
So, wish us luck!!
With the ovulating, of course.
So we have an appointment with our local fertility clinic this afternoon. I find myself quite nervous. I knew I was getting anxious, but as today has worn on, I have become positively beside myself. I've managed to keep myself busy, I got up early and made crepes for breakfast, I've baked some truly delicious honey/molasses bread, and I've just about finished all the laundry I was behind on. I've also finished a unit of my online course and started the next one. And Asher has been nursed, napped, fed, cleaned, and kept happy. I need to be anxious more often. It makes me ridiculously productive.
On the other hand, I'd prefer to go without the stomach ache, slight light-headedness, and general shaky feeling. Sounds bad, I know. But it's all physical. I haven't been running stuff around in my head, I have apparently been suppressing any and all thoughts about it and it's just making me feel like crap. Part of the nervousness is the prospect of starting all this again; the meds, the testing, the not-so-comfy IUI, and the very real prospect of being pregnant again in the next couple months (we didn't have the horrible experience that some have had, I ovulated on the first round of clomid and we got pregnant on our first IUI so I'm kind of expecting it to go just as well the second time round).
The hitch, and I think this is what's really got my knickers in a twist, is that it's not like the US system where we had great insurance and a really great doctor that I had picked out myself. The clinic we're going to is at the hospital instead of a nice cosy office. I'm likely going to have a male doctor, not my first choice for sure. And the real kicker...they can say no. I'm not sure of the rules or waiting lists for these procedures. I know the rules for IVF are really quite strict. If we needed IVF I wouldn't qualify right now. I'm a little freaked. I'm trying not to be. Obviously. I never get this much work done. I'm sure all my worries will come to naught, but of course until I know for sure I'm having a bit of a moment.
Oh, yeah. And if they want to start Clomid, I have to wean Asher first. Yeah. I might actually be ready (although I feel guilty that I am), but I know that Asher for sure is not. Okay, for real now I think I may throw up sometime before this appointment actually takes place. Hopefully it's not as we're checking in. On someone's shoes. That would suck.
I'll let you know how it goes.
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