We strange, we happy strange.
>> June 4, 2009
So, I never really explained why I chose the title for my blog. Once I got it all set up, I simply took up where I had left off with my family's website blog. I really didn't mean to do that. In fact, in the beginning, I wasn't going to tell anyone I knew about this blog because I wanted to be free to write in it what I wanted without worrying who was going to be calling me up five minutes later wanting to know exactly what I meant by that. Apparently I forgot all about that between the conceiving and naming of my blog and writing my first post. And, as you can see it quickly became...well, a mommy blog (and I don't mean that nearly as sideways as it might sound), essentially a blog to share our family life with, whoever. When I set up the family website and then when I started to post here, I had hoped that my actual family would want to keep up on all things us and would read and comment and we could all keep in touch a bit more through the wonders of the internet. That didn't exactly happen. My mom reads this. And I'm sure my bestest Aunt reads it on occasion over Mom's shoulder. I try not to be bitter. Unsuccessfully for the most part. But I digress. Because I shouldn't really be bitter when I didn't want anyone but the anonymous masses to read this blog anyway. I can still be bitter about the website though. I pay money for that people! Moving on.
So who were the strangers and where was this normal land. I'm sure some people come across this title and think, 'ooh, nice literary reference'. I'm sure it is. I haven't read it. Perhaps others might think, 'ooh, nice biblical reference'. I was pretty sure it was in there but didn't really know where or who it referred to. Turns out it refers to Moses living out with the Midianites after he fled Egypt. Huh. So none of those references are really what I was going for. I just thought it was a nice turn of phrase. Some people might have thought it was in reference to Jeff and I, being Canadians, moving to the United States. If that were the case however, I think I would have kept to the original phrase, 'Strangers in a strange land'. And if that had been the case, I probably would have changed the name when we moved to the UK like I threatened to here. But we're still not there yet. See this is what happens when I'm not simply reporting the goings on of our, or more likely Asher's, day. I get really wordy. Moving on.
So what am I talking about then. Us. Me and Jeff. We are Christian. We are Goth (although some days could argue more punk than goth). We are just a little bit Crunchy. We are Geeks. We enjoy a good musical. We are tattooed. Well, I am. We are pierced. Again, me. We prefer our hair to be anything but a natural shade (although we don't always get our way on that). We have other preferences that we won't mention here because it is a family blog. And because my mother does read this. (There is just so much more that needs to be said on that topic, maybe if I start that other blog, sorry Mum, I probably won't tell you about that one) Us. Me and Jeff. We are strange. We don't really fit anywhere. (except maybe Africa, that was like coming home) We are eclectic in almost every sense. Probably more than really anyone around us realize. We have learned to fit in. We have let a lot of things go. For a number of reasons. Money. Time. Effort. None of them so that we could fit in and yet our goal was never to stand out. Just to be ourselves. Although Jeff probably enjoys the standing out a bit more. So we find ourselves amongst all manner of normal people (who by the way invariably say they wish they were brave enough to be not normal) feeling always a little...strange. Perhaps there is more strangeness around us than we think, we're just among the few who let it show on the outside. Well, when we can afford it at least.
This is what I was trying to get at, wanting to explore, when I thought up this blog. Somehow it didn't happen. I suppose life got in the way a little. But that's not quite right. It wasn't life. We haven't been so much living life as surviving it recently. I don't blame it on Asher, I blame it on me. I had only just got the hang of being me. Suddenly being responsible for someone else kind of threw me. Even if I did have plenty of warning. I forgot how to be me, I was so caught up with being Asher's mom. I still am to a large extent, but I'm starting to remember there's more to me and that it's okay to have more to me. I don't quite know yet, how it's going to look to be...incorporated, because I know that I'm not 'just' me or 'just' mom. I'm me and now being a mom is part of that. But I don't want to just survive. I want to live life with abandon. God knew what kind of mom Asher needed. Me. Not a shell of me, or a watered down version of me, but me.
I am a tattooed and pierced, Christian-Gothic-Hippie-Punk-Geek mom who loves broadway musicals, Funker Vogt, and collecting dolls (did I just say that? not an admission I meant to make) who currently hates her hair and can't afford to get done what she really wants so she'll probably settle for bottle black. Again. Ugh. Spent. Kind of doubt this makes much sense. Probably should draft it and post it later, but later never comes. Right?
So where does the newborn go from here?* Or in my case, the strange mamma? Wherever it is, there will be good dance music, funky hair, more metal, my strange husband by my side and my awesome little man on my hip. And who knows? Hopefully more awesome little ones along for the ride. Hopefully a few more. Oh. And there will be Africa. Somewhere in there, there will be more Africa.
*I will give an actual prize if you recognized that quote. I don't know what, but I will. Of course I would prefer that you actually recognized it and not looked it up on the internet. Is this what they call an honour code?
